Two steps forward one step back

The holidays are such a struggle both mentally and physically food wise. There has been so much going on that I have been very busy physically. My weight has caused some back problems so that has been a challenge, but I have been moving which is a very good thing. Mentally I have gotten in such a habit of using food for a incentive to get things done that it has become a issue. I remember when I smoked, I would play games with myself with getting projects done so after, I could have a cigarette. When I got mad or hurt....a cigarette, happy....guess what...a cigarette. Now I am doing the same thing with food. I worked hard today, I guess I'll have some pie or a too healthy portion of food. It is hard because going down, it tastes so good on so many levels, but the price I pay the morning after is just awful. I cry and I pray, please help me be more disciplined, and I tell myself it is a new day, and I do great until mid day to evening. I admire people who are disciplined in a healthy way with their lives (I think control can be done to access too) and I want it so badly. I guess I need to be happy with the one step I'm gaining here and there and focus on being healthy in my endeavor, but I am such a instant gratification person it is hard to not get discouraged. Please Pray that Gods love will heal my void and show me what healthy self discipline looks like. Thank you for you support!