Things I have learned,

Hey all, what a whirlwind ride this journey is. There are a few things that have become apparent to me the last few days. One is that without my awareness, I'm wearing an intense look on my face a lot, my mom called me this morning and offered me money to get me out of whatever mess I was in that was causing the look on my face. Opps, I guess I don't know my own intensity. I wish money could rush this process, but it can't. God bless her, she is trying to be a mom and fix things. She cooks a lot of meals and makes them very healthy which is the most valuable thing she can do, and she is a wealth of nutrition information, one if her best friend is an expert at nutrition and my mom also studies it a lot. She also has something I don't yet, self discipline and years of good eating habits. I pray that is my end result of this journey but I'm not going to kid myself that it will happen over night. I can't wait until I can use her wisdom, but for now I have to stick with the 12 steps and being hungry for a while.

Another thing is that after trying to explain how I am feeling to my mom and a few other "normal" eaters, it became very apparent that they have no idea what this is like. Most people say, just wait 2o minutes and you won't be hungry or just take a taste of everything but don't eat any more then that....really!!!!!! If I could do that, I wouldn't be in the state I'm in. No offense to them, they have no clue and I know they love me and just want to help, but I am not yet to a place with this that I can use half measures. One bite is to many and 1000 bites aren't enough. I have so many trigger foods I can't even get a grip right now so what I do is make sure when I eat, that I am busy right after and it is miserable. It takes a good hour before my system settles down enough to relax and wait for the next planned snack or meal. I know it will get better in time, I'm counting on God to relieve me from this as soon as I finish the footwork.

I cannot wait until the time that I get to write to you in this blog and tell you that God has lifted the obsession. In the mean time hang in there with me....I need you!